“Is it me?? A question I constantly ask myself … Insecure in my own thoughts. Insecure in all that I do and say and try to process… Always over processing and over analyzing and killing myself in my own head. Crazy thoughts that I go through. It’s always an evaluation in my head. Ongoing … How do I make it stop? Comfortable on the outside but so many questions on the inside. How am I able to be transparent in a safe place? Who am I really safe with? Right now I don’t even feel safe with myself. Always looking for another something another beginning another another and another. How do I get through this? Keeping everything in as to not burden anyone else but who’s always there to lend a listening ear to help or just be a comfort. Where is my comfort? Trusting and listening always smiling but for what is life like this … A roller coaster just ready to get to the end of this ride and walk away 100% confident. Walking into some situations with my eyes wide open knowing it’s not for me but at the same time because I know what’s going to happen gives me some kind of peace. Walking into other situations trusting and not knowing and then getting hurt because I didn’t know what was a head of me. Always ready for a risk but only those that I can kind of control. Headaches come and stay because I seek a box to keep myself to keep my surroundings controlled. Is it me??? Shrugs… Got to get out of my own head … Smh at myself.”
I posted this on my first blog in 2014…my my my I have come a long way. Today feeling a lot more confident in who I am and knowing exactly what I want in life. My purpose is clearer than ever although some times I do stop and ask God if He is sure (I still have my moments). Life is funny sometimes and I have really started to embrace everything that comes my way good and bad(even if I don’t like it). If I resist it only hinders my progress and I am tired of being stuck because I want to be rebellious to what I don’t like going on at the moment. Disclaimer: I am a super rebellious person. So anything that doesn’t fit into my vision I am not here for it. I am getting better though, one day at a time. Back to the post, I realized in reading my previous post that my purpose requires me to hold other people up more than they are going to hold me up. Everyone that you are meant to hold down isn’t meant to hold you down. Your confidence doesn’t depend on them or anyone else. Love yourself because it is best for you and it makes for a better life.
Your life should reflect confidence, boldness, and braveness no matter what your purpose is. Although it is a daily decision you have to make it and walk in it. Do know that distractions are going to come but that is when you fight harder for what you want.
I want my friends, family and clients to know that they can always count on me to hold them down no matter what they are going through and when that moment of realization hit I was completely OK with where I am going and the situations that I have been through. You have to get to a point where you realize that your life is so much bigger than you because it isn’t for you. You are here for the growth of others and when you accept that I think you will go through life a little less stressed, worried, and unhappy. I will probably mention this more often because we have to be reminded that when things hit us its just a growing spurt for us to help someone that is coming behind us. Let your resilience shine through. Embrace it all and grow.
I hope this helped someone…Comment and let me know what you are dealing with and let me hold you down while you grow through.
Until next time continue to live simply while making it extraordinary.