When I grow up I want to be a lawyer. I want to be successful and rich. I want a house on a hill overlooking a lot of land. I want to take care of my mom and dad. I want to have a family and kids. I want to be happy. I want to have everything that I ever wanted and dreamed of. Plans of a budding teenager. Then life sets in and all you remember is hearing your dad say “you don’t want experience to be your teacher” well guess what experience has become my best friend.
No one told me that being an adult would be this hard. No one told me that my dreams and plans may hit a bump in the road. Why did they make adulthood look so good? Why don’t I feel like I’m prepared for this? Oh God I’m in a tug of war with you, with myself, and with life. Wait is being an adult suppose to be this tough? But mom … Dad can you help me with this? Can I come back home to be a kid again? I promise I don’t want this adult thing at all.
The thoughts of a 34 year old…
So many times I’ve wanted to give up and so many times I have denied being “grown” if I’m so grown why am I complaining about everything that comes with being grown. You can’t have your cake and eat it too little lady. Pull up your boots, tighten your belt, fix your face and push through everything that comes your way. Wait did I hear that you turned away from God? Oh no, I just put him to the side He is right there I’m going to pick him back up just give me a minute His ways just don’t seem to be working. Ohhhh God why is everything so wrong in my life. How did I get so far off course? How did I get here? Can you come back into my life “full time” and steer me back the right way get my life back on track I promise I will never turn away from you again.
So I was up at 1 am and the struggle that I had going on in my head was something serious…
I just want to be at peace in every aspect of my life and God I can’t do that without you. I pray for that fullness that only you can provide, that undeniable rest that only you can give, that peace and calm that leaves no doubt that it is you. I pray that you will provide that unconditional love that is never questioned. I pray that you will keep me guide me love me and please be with me. Everything turns into a prayer when you’re at your wits end.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
These struggles are normal and yet you rarely ever hear about them. We set goals, we have dreams and then life happens. You can never really be prepared for life. You have to take it all one step at a time and never give up. It is alright for you to stumble just don’t get stuck in your stumble get back up dust your knees off, learn your lesson, and move forward. Remember even when you think that you are alone that isn’t the case. Give it all to God and He will lead you in the right way.
What is keeping you up at night? What dreams are waking you up at 1 a.m.? Please comment, I look forward to reading your responses.