What is in your heart?
How are you guarding or guiding it?
Life catches us off guard a lot and it is in those moments when we really see what is in our hearts. Every day we try to put on a smile and put our best foot forward in those areas that we think we need to be moving in but let one thing that wasn’t in the “plan” go wrong then the heart starts to tell on you. When my heart was exposed recently it hurt, it hurt like hell and took me by complete surprise. I thought that a lot of things had been dealt with but being hurt in a way that you weren’t prepared for will bring everything that you haven’t dealt with all the way to the surface. Everything in my heart was shown to me and all of it wasn’t pretty in fact some of it was kind of scary. So I had to take a step back and I am still taking that step back to take inventory of my heart and what is in it. I honestly thought that I had forgotten how to love until it was tested. In those tested moments I realized how much I love and how deep I love. Before then I questioned whether or not I even loved myself like I should to be able to love others.
I’ve mentioned before about letting go of God’s hand and trying to live this life on my own yeah well that didn’t get me too far. But these days I bet God is rolling His eyes and saying “yo give me some space lady” and I ain’t gone do it. I am holding on to Him for dear life. I am always talking to Him and seeking Him. When you are in that place you don’t believe that good can be in your heart because all you feel is the pain that you are going through so you feel envy, jealousy, mistrust, resentment and other negatives. You are always angry or mad about something that is really nothing oh and the crying ugh cry at any given moment. Taking a step back has allowed me to start the process of working through all of these things that have hindered me and I have started to see the brightness of my heart again. Even now when people point out the bright spots I now believe them and see them myself. Crazy what some time to yourself and giving your heart back to God can do for you. It hasn’t been an easy process. Everyday I pray God show me me – the good, the bad, and the ugly – so that I can work on it one piece at a time. It’s hard to deal with the bad and the ugly but if you don’t know that they are there and don’t spend time working on them you will get caught off guard when they surface again and they will surface it is just a matter of time.
So I ask you to take some time and evaluate your heart…ask God to expose you to yourself. I had to deal with mine in front of people and it wasn’t comfortable at all probably 10 times worse than if I had dealt with them before something happened to bring them out. Take time for you to know you and grow, you will be grateful for it later.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”
This month I deemed as being faithful and rebuilding, I have to start and continue with my heart. Its what makes me move and do what I do. Rebuilding my faith within my heart is necessary to my next moves and continuing the building and rebuilding process within me. I want to be completely genuine in all areas of my life and that process starts with me and my heart. As hard as it gets at times, I don’t think that I would trade this process or experience in for anything in the world.
I dare you to search your heart and repair the areas that you need to live a more fulfilling life. It will be worth all of the moments good and bad.
Get in touch if you need some encouragement during this process, you don’t have to do it alone.
Talk to you again soon
P.S. Quick THANK YOU to all of those that have been in my corner during this process. I know that I haven’t been the easiest person to deal with and I appreciate you all for not giving up on me and pushing me through.